Drawing Depression #16

I’ve self-managed my depression for the past 7 years, and have used self-management techniques since I was diagnosed in my late 30s.  I’ve also used medication off and on, and it was the use of medicine that made me really see what it was like to be healthy.  It isn’t that meds make me happy all the time, but the depressive veil that mars my vision and sense of self-worth is lifted.  The anxieties and sorrows of life aren’t at the front of my thoughts anymore.  They are there, but in their proper place.

Since I have bi-polar, while I’m getting better, I have to be careful about not getting bumped up into a mania.

I’ve learned through counseling to appreciate my moods, but, I’ve also made a list of warning signs for both sides of my personality.

For Depression:

  • Not wanting to live for more than 3 days in a row
  • Inability to feel awake
  • Self-loathing
  • Feelings of pretense
  • Forgetting this list

For Mania:

  • Inability to sleep
  • Inappropriate romantic entanglements
  • Committing to impossible projects
  • False sense of euphoria
  • Multiple glittering ideas
  • A “screw lists” mentality

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In this last episode of depression, it was the not wanting to live part that made me go back on meds.  I’d forgotten all the other signs on my list.  Now that I’m getting well again, I decided to draw out my lists and PUT THEM ON THE WALL.

Awareness is not always achievable when I’m ill.

Luckily, part of my medicine is art.

I’m drawing daily to help manage depression.  If you’d like to see the beginning of this project, you can see it here.  You can also follow me through WordPress or on Facebook.

Your thoughts and shares are appreciated.