It’s been hard staying focused and awake since the quarantines started. There has been a new undercurrent of fear in our lives, in my life. I have handled it the best I could, but I’ve not been very creative since March. Then last week I started to paint for about an hour each day. My actual plan was to paint for 30 minutes before dinner, kind of earn my vittles psychology. And It worked. I began painting for longer periods of time. I got my Rosie paintings done. I started painting an exuberant clematis flower, and two other paintings where I just did what the paint told me.
Yesterday was a bad day for me. A bout of depression and loneliness nibbled at me for part of the day. Then I had a flashback to a traumatic event from over a decade ago. Luckily, I talked to a friend, not specifically about what I was going through but about loneliness and how to manage it. It reminded me that the past was in the past, and I really don’t have anyone in my social circle that feels threatening to me. Even though it didn’t completely clear up my anxiety, I painted.
I got three paintings mostly finished and put the final touches on them this morning.
This one really created itself. I started brushing off extra paint on a small 5×7″ canvas, until the colors formed a shape and then it became a story. Definitely speaks to the anxiety I have.
I’ve been worried the impact this pandemic is having on vulnerable children. I always have them on my mind because I have been one and I have worked with them, using art and stories to help them sort out their lives. This painting started out as more of a cosmic abstract, but it changed to a child.
And then I finished my clematis painting.
Every day I didn’t paint, I told myself not to worry (though I did), I just needed a break and some time to process this terrible virus and the shutdown. I needed to learn how to take care of myself during the reign of COVID 19. And everyday I saw the clematis vine growing on my porch, and more around the corner at a neighbor’s house. I saw a bit of spring every day.
I experienced a wide range of emotions, but again a friend and art brought me back to my self, back to where I could paint from that place where things aren’t clear, but have meaning nonetheless.
I hope you and your friends and family are doing well, too.
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