On September 15th, after some busy days when I didn’t have time to write or draw, and a few more days when I didn’t know what to write or draw, I wrote in my journal:

“I guess I’ve need a few days to NOT journal.  Sometimes I just don’t know how to write about my life — and I guess that means I don’t know how to remember my life.
“When I enter into the swirl of emotions that surround my relationships, I wonder if I’m reading life right, if I’m only ever looking through the blurry lens of my own hopes and dreams.  That will always be a problem for me and will always cause some bit of disruption in the flow of my writing.  I will be fragmented.”

I try to come up with plans to create more order and discipline in my life — daily writing, daily drawing, painting schedules, reading quotas.  I never live up to them and wind up feeling that I’m not living up to some idea I have of my potential.  In this journal entry, I gave up such nonsense.  I will be fragmented.  It’s a nice bit of self acceptance for my 53rd year on the planet.

My creative process is regulated by a kind of hunger.  If I’m satisfied, I don’t need to create.  If I’m upset or over emotional, I can’t create.  The creative urge always returns, though.  After a while, I crave self-expression as surely as I crave food.  It’s nourishment that must be taken on a regular basis.

Here are some fragments of my September journal.  (If you are a facebook friend, you’ve seen a few of these.)

I learn a lot about myself from keeping a journal.  Do you?  Do you look back through your writings and drawings and discover things about yourself or your world?

I got athletic shoes instead of orthopedic shoes — they made my feet look enormous but so did the orthos

Stablio felt tip pen

waiting for a bus, I copied the graffiti on a dumpster

Meeting Notes

poem

I am enchanted by imaginary birds lately

I started taking a class on living well with chronic illness.  Apparently I need flying snails and turtles to live well

Stories and borders didn’t always mesh

I bought a cheap dip pen and compared it to a brush pen.  Both were fun in their own way.

This is how I pay attention at meetings.  Really!

Back of the journal

Thanks for reading!  Be nice to yourself.