Journal Past and Future

On September 15th, after some busy days when I didn’t have time to write or draw, and a few more days when I didn’t know what to write or draw, I wrote in my journal:

“I guess I’ve need a few days to NOT journal.  Sometimes I just don’t know how to write about my life — and I guess that means I don’t know how to remember my life.
“When I enter into the swirl of emotions that surround my relationships, I wonder if I’m reading life right, if I’m only ever looking through the blurry lens of my own hopes and dreams.  That will always be a problem for me and will always cause some bit of disruption in the flow of my writing.  I will be fragmented.”

I try to come up with plans to create more order and discipline in my life — daily writing, daily drawing, painting schedules, reading quotas.  I never live up to them and wind up feeling that I’m not living up to some idea I have of my potential.  In this journal entry, I gave up such nonsense.  I will be fragmented.  It’s a nice bit of self acceptance for my 53rd year on the planet.

My creative process is regulated by a kind of hunger.  If I’m satisfied, I don’t need to create.  If I’m upset or over emotional, I can’t create.  The creative urge always returns, though.  After a while, I crave self-expression as surely as I crave food.  It’s nourishment that must be taken on a regular basis.

Here are some fragments of my September journal.  (If you are a facebook friend, you’ve seen a few of these.)

I learn a lot about myself from keeping a journal.  Do you?  Do you look back through your writings and drawings and discover things about yourself or your world?

I got athletic shoes instead of orthopedic shoes — they made my feet look enormous but so did the orthos

Stablio felt tip pen
waiting for a bus, I copied the graffiti on a dumpster
Meeting Notes

poem

I am enchanted by imaginary birds lately
I started taking a class on living well with chronic illness.  Apparently I need flying snails and turtles to live well
Stories and borders didn’t always mesh

I bought a cheap dip pen and compared it to a brush pen.  Both were fun in their own way.
This is how I pay attention at meetings.  Really!
Back of the journal

Thanks for reading!  Be nice to yourself.

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3 thoughts on “Journal Past and Future

  1. Fragmented must be right and good, because there are many emotions–peace, quiet humor, and melancholy–in your entries that definitely resonate with me. Plus, I love the freshness of your new blog-header birds.

  2. Hi Joy. Your journal is what it's supposed to be. Words from your mind and heart. Sometimes there are no words but there are doodles and it's how your feeling at the time. I like your journal, keep it up. Have a great day tomorrow.

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