I tend to make goals and put things in boxes. I think I’m going to write and illustrate stories about using public transportation, I’m going to write a series on misheard lyrics, I’m going to write poems from words suggested by my texting program, I’m going to do illustrations about recovering from depression. It’s good to set goals, but what happens to me is, when the next shiny idea comes along, I either think I can’t do it because I’m working on another project. Or, I feel I’m betraying the old project when I work on my new one. It’s a great way for me to undermine myself and give the itty-bitty-shitty-committee more power over me. And I wind up with zillions of unfinished projects.
My counselor and I talked about this recently. Actually, it’s a subject that comes up often, since my creativity and anxiety are very closely related. She recommends that I braid all the threads of my creative impulses together. I’ve been sharing my visual journals with her for about a year now, and she suggested I start posting the ones on depression. Now I worry that too many of my posts aren’t about depression, but about all these other ideas that pop in my head.
I had to come up with a category that encompassed all I’m doing before I could give myself permission to continue. Even though I’m not drawing or writing specifically about depression every day, I’m using this process to recover and reshape the way I think about depression and my life. I came up with a title for my new journal: Vignettes and Variations. That’ll encompass everything!
And today’s drawing has nothing to do with anything I just spoke of, but of being bullied by a crow:
I’m drawing daily to help manage depression, long-term disability, and life in general. If you’d like to see the beginning of this project, you can see it here. You can also follow me through WordPress or on Facebook.
Your thoughts and shares are appreciated.
