A Bird Will Tell You

A Bird Will Tell You by Joy Murray

I’ve been on a medication for Bi-Polar disorder for a month. It was one of several I’ve tried over the past few months, but this one seems to be keeping me steady, has few side effects, and gotten me to feel like myself again. It’s a quite wonderful feeling.

I started this journey years ago, really, but this most recent bout of depression started in October. Then it was hard to be creative or to see any point to painting, writing or anything. I’ve done some work, but getting into a routine, finishing things – it’s been next to impossible. For this painting, I just started splashing paint on a canvas, cleaning brushes by smearing leftover paint on it, and letting it collect color.

But since I started this medication, I found some direction and a composition emerged. It became a sort of journal of my recovery. And then, one day, it was a finished painting. I hope it captures the way the treatment of a mental disorder, and the journey to brain health, is a process.

What do you think?

A Bird Will Tell You, by Joy Murray, 16×20″, acrylic and ink,

I hope to continue to be inspired to paint. I have already come up with ideas for two more. Getting back to a creative state of mind is a pure delight. I really appreciate my doctors and therapists who have helped me during this bout of dysfunction, who helped guide me back to good brain health. I also did a lot of reading on mindfulness and ways of maintaining brain health in a world that seems fragmented and in a constant state of mania.

If you’re having struggles yourself, I hope you find the kind of help you need. And remember it’s a journey. Just because one treatment doesn’t work for you, don’t give up. There are lots of options for our complicated brains. Keep searching for a doctor you trust, keep trying different treatments, until you find your way back to yourself.

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Thanks for reading my blog. Feel free to share it, if you’d like.

This blog is brought to you by the generosity of people who support me on Patreon , buy my art, and who support me in so many different ways.

If you’d like to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypal

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The Garden Past and Present

Last summer, my elephant ear garden looked like this:

This year, it looks like this:

We had an abnormally cold winter and it killed off many of the bulbs. Elephant Ears make new bulbs every summer, often along the bottom of the old bulbs. I think these are all newly made bulbs that grew from underneath their frozen parents.

I love my elephant ears when they get dramatically big. I like seeing the slender stalks of the first small leaves divide into larger and larger leaves until they are nearly as big as me. I get cocky about them. I see other people’s plants and think, mine are bigger. It’s a bit of delusion that I have anything to do with how big they get. I do my part, of course: making sure they’re watered and have enough room to grow by weeding and tending the ground around them.

Or I used to. Now, I get other people to help me with it. Now that I’m a full time wheelchair user, I can’t get to the weeds, I can’t divide the bulbs, I can’t do all the little fussy things an urban gardener does to get credit for beautiful plants. I appreciate those who’ve helped me weed and keep some order in the small patch by my porch. I’m not totally happy about having to give up the responsibilities I enjoyed, but I’m happy that the garden grows.

I’ve also had struggles cultivating creativity over the past few years. I don’t get as many paintings done. I don’t have the energy to organize shows or to participate in groups. I don’t write as much. I don’t even go to art shows as much – transportation and fatigue issues. Like so many of us, I was changed by the arrival of COVID in our lives. Also the continuing fragmentation of our country and a seeming inability for us to build working bridges to help each other out. In my personal life, I’ve aged enough to have to deal with death more often (also a COVID factor), and my own disability takes its share of my energy. I’ve often felt as if my well was empty and I couldn’t tap into a new source of flow.

But watching these scrappy plants emerge and grow after a hostile winter, has inspired me. Slowly I am writing more, drawing again, painting again. Since I have no deadlines, I can set my own pace. I don’t have to create things at the same rate. And as I look back over all that I’ve done in previous years, I realize that I’m a productive person, even if I never actually create anything tangible ever again.

There is a form of art called “social practice.” It “focuses on engagement through human interaction and social discourse.” If I’m feeling small and insecure, I can always say I do social practice art (though no one will know what I’m talking about). To me, in its simplest form, social practice art is a way of living creatively, sharing ideas with others, contributing to a better, more peaceful and beautiful world. The goal is not necessarily a finished object or project. Living is an art. The creative ways we deal with life’s challenges are an art form.

I may just be trying to give a label to my fallow periods to feel better about them. These periods are a part of the process. Are they an art in themselves? It’s not like I’ve stopped thinking about creativity, or living creatively for even one day while I’ve navigated these past few years. I’ve been helped a lot by others, and had lots of conversations with them about the world at large, and the small world that I occupy.

And now this little garden is growing back. The plants on my porch that I can tend to are thriving. Whenever someone walks by – and looks up from their phone – they see growth and blooms. I don’t actually create it, but I facilitate it.

I once led an art workshop and one of the young participants asked if you could make a good living as an artist. I said it’s difficult. But you can make a good life.

If we survive a brutal winter and grow a little slower afterwards, there’s a lot of beauty in that. Noticing gardens is being creative. Carrying sorrow, but living with delight, that’s a good life.

Joy At the Memphis Brook Museum – living a good life

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Thanks for reading my blog. Feel free to share it, if you’d like.This blog is brought to you by the generosity of people who support me on Patreon , buy my art, and who support me in so many different ways. If you’d like to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypalCards and prints on some of my art is available on Redbubble.  You can subscribe to this blog by email in the link below this post.If you find a typo, let me know, and I’ll send you a postcard.

She Came Back As A Tree

Sometimes, I think about reincarnation and fantasize about what I’d like to be in my next life, if I have one. I’m perfectly happy becoming soil, dust, a ghost, a distant memory, or whatever it is you become when you’re released from this strange, beautiful life. As I worked on my latest painting, I indulged in the idea that I would enjoy being a tree — a rooted being with it’s limbs reaching toward the sky. It’s not a new fantasy, but one I’ve had in my heart even before I knew there were ideas about reincarnation. And while I don’t really know much more than the basic ideas of reincarnation, it’s fun to dream of such things.

I like painting trees from my imagination, from a spontaneous place inside me, where I can play with the form and color. Just following brushstrokes, building on what starts as a vague image with whatever comes to mind.

In my last post, I showed the beginning of this painting. I had such a good time working on it, that I almost didn’t want to stop, but the painting finally told me it was finished.

She Came Back as a Tree by Joy Murray, 20×24″, acylic on stretched canvas
She Came Back as a Tree detail
She Came back as a tree, detail

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Thanks for reading my blog. Feel free to share it, if you’d like.

This blog is brought to you by the generosity of people who support me on Patreon , buy my art, and who support me in so many different ways. 

If you’d like to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypal

Cards and prints on some of my art is available on Redbubble.  

You can subscribe to this blog by email in the link below this post.

If you find a typo, let me know, and I’ll send you a postcard.

Unexpected Results

I’ve been experimenting with little canvases and fauvism, a style of art I love.  I love the work of Portland, OR, artist Trina Hesson, who, among other things, does faces on small canvases and boards.

I like not being limited to the local color.  But I’ve felt many of my attempts at using unrealistic color always made the painting look like a big old mess.

With these little canvases, 5×7″, I’ve started out without any real goals, except to play with color.  The size is non-threatening.  I like the idea of being free of skin tones.  When I was making fabric sculptures, I hardly ever used skin tones.  They could be any race, they could be just figures anyone could identify with.

dream guide
Dream Guide

With these little paintings, I’ve used mostly dark colors:

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Let Your Dreams Guide You

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Peer Pressure

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Is there a color that would make me safe?

I decided this week to work with lighter colors.   It was a terrible week — shootings, ICE arrests, and a deepening feeling of division around me.  So much unnecessary sorrow.  I’m shocked almost daily by  how well the “divide and conquer” political strategy still works.  I also had a discussion with a person I know who has a very rigid attitude about who is to blame and why.  That all crept into my latest 5×7″:

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If you just admitted I was right, we wouldn’t have these problems!

I use art as a window or a door into the imagination and out of this fragmented world.  I don’t often do directly political pieces, but it’s hard not to.   I hope this one is political and humorous.  Her frustration that people don’t see she’s right.  The imperious stare over the glasses — a look many of us of a certain age look out at the world with.  It makes me laugh.

So that’s what I’ve been up to lately.  What do you think?

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This blog is brought to you by the generosity of people who support me on Patreon , buy my art, and who support me in so many different ways

Cards and prints on some of my art is available on Redbubble.  

If you find a typo, let me know, and I’ll send you a postcard.