Self Portrait Shenanigans

In the past month, I’ve had space problems (adult daughter and two cats moved in), computer problems (internet service and printer/scanner) and health problems (increased spasticity and bi-polar/depression flare-up).  And so I haven’t created much art, which always makes me feel, in the wise words of Anne Lamott, like a big pile of spider puke.

So, I finally got back to drawing through the wonderful figure drawing class at Brooks Museum.  Not that my figures were wonderful, but were so terrible that I felt I’d better start practicing or I’d feel even more like spider puke.  Also, I’ve gotten my space set up in a way that works with me, the wheelchair and my range of motion.

I decided to make a self portrait first — something quick and easy and fun.  I usually don’t worry about “mistakes” in self portraits, they are loosening up exercises.  I don’t have to worry about insulting anyone if I don’t make them look right, or beautiful, or even human.

I had an old 8×10″ canvas that I’d splattered leftover green gold acrylic on for a future project.  I decided I’d paint over it.  I’m learning the grid method for creating portraits and figures of other people, but for myself and this painting, I just looked in the mirror.  I have to put my glasses at the tip of my nose to see up close, and out of the way for seeing distance.  So I drew a familiar facial expression to start with:

20181104_121139

I’m learning to mix skin tones and I want to work with more vibrant colors, so I went to work on that.

20181104_124835

I wanted to show my facial roundness and somehow show my double chin.  I started looking at this as an exercise in self-acceptance.  But that expression was just too grim.  So I added a grin.

20181104_172432

But wait!  If this is a portrait about self acceptance, what about my disability and my wonky moods?  Plus my head’s not really that flat, is it?

20181105_105955

Bright moods, dark moods.   I have so much going on inn my head and my face is  really larger than this.

20181105_113125

And it was at this point, I realized that my quick selfie was no longer quick.  I did about a squillion revisions on it — painting over parts, readjusting parts, trying to find symmetry, trying to capture some essence of myself.  Capturing it, overworking it, blocking out parts, moving forward, falling back.

I always thought that the more I painted, the more I drew, the easier it would get.  I’d be able to quickly make art.  But that’s not what’s happening.  I’m getting slower.  I’m seeing more, wanting more from what I paint.  Moving from acrylic to watercolor has opened up a lot of possibilities and I want to explore them.

I’ve heard over and over that you should make bold lines and then stick to them.  I make my bold lines, set the painting up so I can see it first thing in the morning light and I see where I need to get back to work.  Luckily, I also watch Gwenn Seemel’s videos, so I know I can work over things and still achieve a lot of dynamism.  We all have to come up with our own way of working, I’m grateful to have guides to share their process.

While I was going through all the iterations of this piece, I kept thinking of the old nursery rhyme about the girl with the curl:

There was a little girl

Who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good,

She was very, very good,

And when she was bad

She was horrid!

I kept thinking about how horrid this portrait was going to turn out.  And then yesterday morning, it was finished.

IMG_20181112_0001_NEW

Maybe it’s horrid.  Maybe when I’m “bad,” I’m horrid.  But I think this little exercise in self examination, shape, and color was what I needed.

Now I need to get to work on painting from the hundreds of reference pictures I took of my flowers while I wasn’t painting.  And I want to draw figures,  and write, and many things that will take time.

An abundance of good work for me and myself.

WIN_20181112_11_56_40_Pro
Over exposed selfie

~~~

Thanks for reading my post.  If you like it share it.  If you find a typo, please let me know and I’ll send you a thank-you postcard.  

You can now follow me on Instagram@joymurrayart and Twitter @joymurrayhere.  I no longer have a facebook account.

You can get prints and cards of some of my work on Redbubble.  They also print my work on lots of other items, including phone skins, tote bags, shirts and journals:

https://www.redbubble.com/people/JoyMurray?asc=u

If you’d like to support my art and writing, please consider becoming a donor on Patreon.  If I get enough supporters, I can make this blog ad-free!  Here’s a link to my Patreon page:

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=8001665

If you prefer to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypal.com  Please email me at joyzmailbox@gmail.com if you’d like details.

 

Throw Back Thursday Painting

I painted this in 2016 and it was bought by one of my most supportive clients.  It was the first really successful break from strictly watercolor and into collage and acrylic.   I also helped heal a wound in my heart — and that’s what art is about for me.

Nature heals
Nature Heals, Joy Murray, 2016 – mixed media

~~~

Thanks for reading my post.  If you like it share it.  If you find a typo, please let me know and I’ll send you a thank-you postcard.  

You can now follow me on Instagram@joymurrayart and Twitter @joymurrayhere.  I no longer have a facebook account.

You can get prints and cards of some of my work on Redbubble.  They also print my work on lots of other items, including phone skins, tote bags, shirts and journals:

https://www.redbubble.com/people/JoyMurray?asc=u

If you’d like to support my art and writing, please consider becoming a donor on Patreon.  If I get enough supporters, I can make this blog ad-free!  Here’s a link to my Patreon page:

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=8001665

If you prefer to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypal.com  Please email me at joyzmailbox@gmail.com if you’d like details.

 

Another Strong Heart Finished

I made this for someone who had heart surgery and deserved a purple heart:

20181027_12130320181027_121413

If you’d like to know more about the Strong Heart fabric art doll, you can read about it here.

~~~

Thanks for reading my post.  If you like it share it.  If you find a typo, please let me know and I’ll send you a thank-you postcard.  

You can now follow me on Instagram@joymurrayart and Twitter @joymurrayhere.  I no longer have a facebook account.

You can get prints and cards of some of my work on Redbubble.  They also print my work on lots of other items, including phone skins, tote bags, shirts and journals:

https://www.redbubble.com/people/JoyMurray?asc=u

If you’d like to support my art and writing, please consider becoming a donor on Patreon.  If I get enough supporters, I can make this blog ad-free!  Here’s a link to my Patreon page:

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=8001665

If you prefer to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypal.com  Please email me at joyzmailbox@gmail.com if you’d like details.

 

 

A day of mourning

I turned on instagram yesterday, and the first thing I saw was a woodcut print of a woman pointing a gun in my face.  I vowed long ago not to support artists/promoters who use such a shocking and cruel image.  The image of a gun in my face, in all our faces, wounds me.  So I quickly turned that thread off.

It wasn’t til later that day I heard about the shootings in the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh. Today on twitter I saw a list of those who died from Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg:

Joyce Feinberg, 75

Richard Gottfried, 65

Rose Mallinger, 97

Jerry Rabinowitz, 66

Cecil Rosenthal, 59

David Rosenthal, 54

Bernice Simon, 84

Sylvan Simon, 86

Daniel Stein, 71

Melvin Wax, 88

Irving Younger, 69

May their memories push us to create a world that values every life.

loss for words
Lost

I’ve read about the shootings, the perpetrator, the president’s statements, the former president’s statements, the anguish, and the theories.

When people say having a gun, arming more people would help stop these slayings and violations, I think of Philando Castile, pulled over for a traffic violation, and killed for trying to show his license to carry.  No gun in his hand.  Killed by a man who was supposed to protect him, an officer of the laws that Castile followed.  Executed for a traffic stop.

008

Should we have security guards in our temples, synagogues and churches?  I don’t think it would help.  Attackers use the element of surprise.  Banks have security in all it’s many forms, but they still get robbed.

A life is such a precious thing.  I try to imagine what the 97 year old woman had seen in her life, the antisemitism, the hope of safety, the illusion of safety.  To be slaughtered at a baby naming ceremony in her synagogue — who could imagine such a thing could happen in the land of the free?

And what stories, what wisdom, humor, complexity — what loss have we suffered from all these souls being taken brutally from us?

IMG_20180424_0001

Even when you don’t know a victim, a person who has died takes with them something from us, from our world.  It’s a collective loss — that’s why we cry at the death of people we don’t know — even fictional people in movies, plays and books.

Should we arm our places of spiritual comfort?

IMG_4422 (2)

I think of the word arms, our arms, our open arms, the open arms of places of worship, that are meant to provide a safe haven, an embrace.

In Jackson Brown’s song, The Long Way Around, from 2014, he says

The seeds of tragedy are there

In what we feel we have the right to bear

To watch our children come to harm

There in the safety of our arms.

With all we disagree about

The passions burn

The heart goes out.”

Lots of play on the meaning of words in that song.

I think we’ve all lost some of the meaning of  to live and let live, to build a nation from many cultures, to let our hearts go out to many cultures — to people seeking safety, peace and way to support their families.  I see too many hearts going out, extinguished by fear, which cultivates hatred.  Fear and hatred and the need to blame — all very human emotions and all very much exploited by politicians.

011

I don’t usually use my blog or social media to talk about the violence that continues to grow in our nation.  Many are doing a better job than I could.   I try to keep promoting art, love, wisdom.  I try to keep my eye on what good is growing in our world.  What people are creating.  How much progress we’ve made in some aspects of human rights.

20180214_160348

I had a friend in college who was beaten to death for being gay.  I think of all the strides that have been made in gay rights, the laws that have been changed.  I wish he was still here to see it.  And to fight the bigotry that is growing in reaction to it.

I know this kind of violence still goes on.  Minorities, immigrants, people who are different, we’re all still subject to violence for simply being.  It’s horrible, but I believe we’ve made advances and will continue to, in spite of this hate that’s grown up around us.

040 (2)

Maybe.

After each of these mass shootings, I wonder if evil has won.  The guns, the hateful rhetoric, the territorialism, the terrorism.  Generations have grown up homeless, in families suffering with addiction, in neighborhoods where no one is safe from gangs or the police.

The tree of life is being overshadowed, denied light, by the tree of evil.  I see everywhere the glorification of guns, even in art, that place of safety for me.

Then I see things like the Carpenter Garden, a neighborhood planting and cultivating good — art and bike shops and gardens.  There will always be those who grow toward the light, in spite of long dark shadows that try to stunt our growth.

20181024_123029

Mother Jones said, “Pray for the dead, and fight like hell for the living.”  That was nearly a century ago.

I think in these times, we must love, not blindly, but with intent.  We must work to make a garden that captures the light and turns it into sustenance.  We can’t give in to despair, though we definitely have to make time for it.

IMG_20180623_152910
St. Foster Keeper of Stolen Wisdom

Like mourning, we have to make time for it, and cry and wonder what the hell is going on with our fellow humans.

Then we have to water and weed our garden.  Stand in the light, invite others to join us — reach, teach, create.  We can’t let the bastards grind us down.

If we continue to water and revere the tree of life, then that invasive weed of evil will have less power, and one day, I hope and pray, will be extinguished all together.

Holding Space by Joy Murray
Holding Space

~~~

Thanks for reading my post.  If you like it, share it.  If you find a typo, please let me know and I’ll send you a thank-you postcard.  

You can follow me on Instagram @joymurrayart or Twitter @joymurrayhere.  

You can see my original art, though sometimes the selection is sparse, on Etsy at:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ArtbyJoyMurray?ref=seller-platform-mcnav

You can get prints and cards of some of my work on Redbubble.  They also print my work on lots of other items, including phone skins, tote bags, shirts and journals:

https://www.redbubble.com/people/JoyMurray?asc=u

If you’d like to support my art and writing, please consider becoming a donor on Patreon, a monthly donation platform that helps me pay for internet service, art supplies and living expenses.  A little bit each month goes a long way.  If I get enough supporters, I can make this blog ad-free!  Here’s a link to my Patreon page:

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=8001665

If you prefer to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypal.com  Please email me at joyzmailbox@gmail.com if you’d like details.