I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving weekend and that neither your physical nor mental health was compromised. Mine was peaceful. I got to eat well, see family and friends, and was able move at my own pace. One of the the good things about getting older and having more health complications is that I am unable to rush around and try to partake or participate in everything that’s on offer. While I miss that excitement, I’ve come to appreciate this slower, more cautious phase of my life.
Members of my extended family have an accessible house, so I’m able to go there for the holiday meal. Other family members do all the cooking and cleaning. The gathering place is not far from my house, and since it was a sunny, but cold, day, I was able to get there on my own in my power wheelchair.
I dread the coming of winter these days, even though Memphis has relatively mild winters, because I get colder easier now. When you can’t move as much, you can’t get your body temperature up as easily. If I had taken a brisk walk to the Thanksgiving celebration, it would have been a warming experience. Instead, I depended on layers of sweaters and coats, scarves and hats, and also my trusty medical mask to keep my nose warm. It’s not like it was freezing — almost 50 degrees — but that’s quite cold to me. (Someone would have come and gotten me if I’d asked, but I wanted to spend some time in the sunshine. My son, who lives in the neighborhood, walked, too.)
The trees here still have a lot of their leaves, and they’re changing colors. It was a delight to see them, to watch some of them fall right into my lap. I saw one startling gold gingko tree shining bright. The sun is at a southern angle, and I love that particular slant of light.
It was such a delight to roll into that warn and toasty house filled with all the aromas of a feast! It was a small gathering but I got to hear stories about how everyone’s life has been going. In past years, I felt some envy that people get to do more than I do, but this year I just enjoyed the stories. When I think of all the steps and details it takes now to get places and participate in things, it often seems overwhelming. But it’s never overwhelming to hear stories to hear of how others navigate their lives, if I can keep envy at bay.
And in many ways, I’m lucky to avoid a lot of the troubles they have to experience. And I’m very lucky to have a warm, stable place to live, good medical care, helpers, and supporters.
When the feast was over, my son walked home with me. So we got to spend some quality one on one time, our bellies full, our hearts lighter for seeing one another.
This morning, I got up, made coffee, and went back to my warm bed to drink it. Before I got back in bed, I saw through the window an odd shape on the porch next door. It looked like a pile of blankets but the top blanket had a Christmas pattern. I thought it might an inflatable decoration they were planning to erect some time today. Then it moved. A pair of high top sneakers emerged from the pile. I realized someone was sleeping there. He must have camped in the middle of the night. Sunbeams were shining on the pile and I saw him shifting in the warmth.
As I snuggled back into my bed, I thought of how fortunate I am. You look at me, partially paralyzed, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, never knowing which part of me will degenerate next. But I am not alone or outcast in this world. There’s countless reasons why a person might find themselves without shelter, but I know I will never have to walk that cold, lonely road.
Today I’ve enjoyed things like folding towels warm from the dryer, washing dishes with warm water running over my hands. I have an extra sweater hanging on the coat rack if I get chilled. I have doors that lock — but open often to friends bearing stories and gifts.
Simple things for which I am not always grateful enough for, but today I am. I plan to hold on to that gratitude as tightly as possible.
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