Author: Joy Murray

I’m sorry but I when was working on this earlier, I accidently hit post instead of preview. This is the post in its entirety. Sorry for the confusion.

I’m a little shocked to realize I haven’t blogged since November. After I got my facebook account stolen, I became frustrated with the whole online process. I felt I needed a short break from it, but it became a long break instead. I wish I could report that I created some fantastic works of art during the winter, but, instead all I did was take care of myself.

I have a few unfinished projects, but mainly I’ve been practicing the art of living. The years since COVID started have been a time of making adjustments, but I plowed on, adjusted myself, and kept moving (anxiously) forward. But the truth is, I needed to take some time and process all that’s gone on in society and in my own life.

I needed a retreat – not an artist’s retreat – but a retreat from expectations. I wanted to try to figure out what to concentrate on, what to do with my life now that I’m in my 60s. But in these months, I haven’t figured out any real direction. Rather, I’ve figured out that I don’t want to concentrate on any one thing but flow along with my life. To simply take care of myself and create some things. I want to just enjoy being alive and unencumbered by the fear and hatred so many are suffering from these days. I want to create things, but more like a child – jump around, change direction, and spin in circles. Of course, I’ll have anxieties and health problems, still. I’ll want to do more than I can reasonably accomplish. But now I’ve learned a little bit more about how to just be me.

Last week, we had a warm day, a friend took me to the Dixon Gallery and Gardens here in Memphis to see their amazing collection of daffodils and tulips. It had been cold, but that day was perfect. It was such a delight to see it all, to see all that had survived the difficult winter, and feel the warm sunshine. We’d dressed warmly but shed layers as the day went by.

Here’s some of what we saw:

In giving myself permission to not write everyday, I’ve started writing again. I’ve also started drawing and sketching for some visual storytelling.

I’m going to use my blog to show my art, still, but also to post some of the things I used to put on facebook: links to articles, funny things, short rants about city life, maybe even a cartoon or joke.

If you like any of these photos, please feel free to share, download or print them.

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Thanks for reading my blog. Feel free to share it, if you’d like.

This blog is brought to you by the generosity of people who support me on Patreon , buy my art, and who support me in so many different ways. 

If you’d like to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypal

Cards and prints on some of my art is available on Redbubble.  

You can subscribe to this blog by email in the link below this post.

If you find a typo, let me know, and I’ll send you a postcard.

I painted a 4×7″ painting on wood panel back in 2020. My son painted the background and didn’t see a way forward with it, so he asked if I wanted to work on it. I did. I wanted to do white outlines on a dark background, practice some spontaneity. My subject matter is often disability and mortality. The result was The Gift.

The most frequent question I got about it was “What is the gift?” I didn’t have a definite answer. The pandemic hit just as I was finishing it. We were all thinking about out mortality. But shifting my gaze from my disability, from Covid, from a narrow definition of life seemed like a gift. All my friends and loved ones, I realized, ease my journey. They are a gift. The beauty of nature, all that lives and transforms, is a gift.

The painting was purchased but I saw it a few months ago, in the midst of a dense depression, and I wished I still had it. I decided to do another one, bigger, and include it in the Look Closer series.

Two months later, I’ve finished it. The flower outlines photograph as blue but they are really purple.

Again, the question people ask me about it is What is the Gift? I still don’t have a solid answer. I give the same answer I did 2 years ago. But in painting this, I realized how much acceptance of the shape and struggles of my life is a gift. And if there is no way of getting “better” or no way of surviving in this rich and beautiful mortal world, acceptance and hope for an afterlife is a gift, even if it turns out to be an illusion (I love my illusions). A flower that dies really becomes a seed, and then a new plant. It’s a gift to have these thoughts. Whatever direction I go, the friends and loved ones I have, the new ones I meet, the memories of those who have already died — all of this is the gift. Life is the gift — not always an easy gift, and definitely not a permanent one. Perhaps I’m a seed.

When I paint, I glance into the changing and amazing nature of life, no matter where I am on my journey.

Is that the gift?

What do you think?

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Thanks for reading my blog. Feel free to share it, if you’d like.

This blog is brought to you by the generosity of people who support me on Patreon , buy my art, and who support me in so many different ways. 

If you’d like to make a one time donation, you can do so at paypal

Cards and prints on some of my art is available on Redbubble.  

You can subscribe to this blog by email in the link below this post.

If you find a typo, let me know, and I’ll send you a postcard.

I am so thankful for all of you who support my art and my blog. I hope you have a blessed and peaceful holiday. I want to remember all the simple things I can be grateful for.

One tree has thousands of leaves but looks like only one thing, until this time of year when it lets go of so much. I can see how complex life is, all the colors — dark, light, brilliant, strong, delicate.